Relationships 2.0: Why Did You Do That? + Your Questions Answered: Fred Luskin on Grudges

As we go through life, we’re constantly trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. Psychologist Liane Young says this ability to assess other people’s thoughts ​is an extraordinary feat of cognition. This week, in a favorite episode from our archives, we explore this mental superpower — and how it can lead us astray. In our conversation with Liane Young, we explore:The uniquely human ability to think about the minds of other people, which scientists refer to as "theory of mind." How and when young children develop this ability to intuit what's happening in other people's minds. Why our understanding of other people's minds affects our moral judgments — and how those judgments can be disabled.How misreading another person's intentions can affect our lives in both small and significant ways.Then, in the second part of this week's show, we welcome back researcher Fred Luskin, who responds to listeners' questions about grudges. If you missed the original conversation with Fred Luskin, listen to our episode No Hard Feelings.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Relationships 2.0: Why Did You Do That? + Your Questions Answered: Fred Luskin on Grudges

By Hidden Brain Staff

/ April 21, 2025

As we go through life, we’re constantly trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. Psychologist Liane Young says this ability to assess other people’s thoughts ​is an extraordinary feat of cognition. This week, in a favorite episode from our archives, we explore this mental superpower — and how it can lead us astray. Then, we welcome back researcher Fred Luskin, who responds to listeners’ questions about grudges.  If you missed the original conversation with Fred Luskin, listen to our episode No Hard Feelings.

Additional Resources

RESEARCH:

When my wrongs are worse than yours: behavioral and neural asymmetries in first-person and third-person perspectives of accidents, by Joshua Hirschfeld-Kroen, Emily Wasserman, Stefano Anzellotti, Liane Young, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2021

Differential virtue discounting: Public generosity is seen as more selfish than public impartiality, by Gordon T. Kraft-Todd, Max Kleiman-Weiner, Liane Young, Ethics and Psychology, 2020

Motive Attribution asymmetry for love vs. hate drives intractable conflict, by Adam Waytz, Liane Young, Jeremy Ginges, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2014

Belief, Desire, Action, and Other Stuff: Theory of Mind in Movies, by Daniel Levin, Alicia M. Hymel, Lewis Baker, in book Psychocinematics: Exploring cognition in movies, pp 244-266, Oxford University Press, 2013

When ignorance is no excuse: Different roles for intent across moral domains, by Liane Young, Robecca Saxe, Elsevior, 2011

Disruption of the right temporoparietal junction with transcranial magnetic stimulation reduces the role of beliefs in moral judgments, by Liane Young, Joan A. Camprodon, Marc D. Hauser, Alvaro Pascual-Leone, Rebecca Saxe, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2010

The Psychology of Dilemmas and the Philosophy of Morality, by Fiery Cushman, Liane Young, Ethical Theory and Moral Practice, 2009

The neural basis of the interaction between theory of mind and moral judgment, by Liane Young, Fiery Cushman, Marc Hauser, and Rebecca Saxe, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 2007

Crime and Punishment: Distinguishing the roles of causal and intentional analyses in moral judgment, by Fiery Cushman, Cognition, 2007

Why We Read Fiction: Theory of Mind and the Novel, by Lisa Zunshine, Ohio State University Press, 2006

Transcript

*The transcript below may be for an earlier version of this episode.
Our transcripts are provided by various partners and may contain errors or deviate slightly from the audio.*

Shankar Vedantam: This is Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedantam. All parents have moments when their kids test their patience. Liane Young is no exception.Liane Young: I often yell at my kids for things that they did by accident, like spilling a smoothie, or leaving a cap off of a permanent marker, and making black, permanent stains all over the sofa.Shankar Vedantam: When this happens, and the couch is covered in black splotches, or there's smoothie on the floor, the perpetrators inevitably offer this defense.Child: It was an accident.Child: It's not my fault.Child: I didn't mean to do it.Liane Young: I shouldn't say this, but I tell them, "It doesn't matter that you didn't mean to do it. What matters is that you won't do it again."Shankar Vedantam: Liane's reaction, while understandable, is deeply ironic. She's a psychologist who studies how we read other people's intentions.Liane Young: We need to think about other people's minds in order to figure out who our friends are, who to avoid, whom to punish, whether to punish. And, we need to read people's intentions in any ordinary interaction, like having a conversation, and figuring out what to say, and how to respond.Shankar Vedantam: As we go through life, we are constantly making sense of people's actions by interpreting their intentions. Our ability to read what is happening in other people's minds is like an invisible compass guiding us through life. But sometimes, it leads us astray. We misread other people's intentions, especially when we are hurt, or angry. This week on Hidden Brain, how our powers of observation allow us to navigate our social worlds, until they don't. It's the start of a series we're calling Mind Reading 2.0. It explores a topic listeners have asked us about a lot: how to decode what's going on in other people's heads.New Speaker: -music break-Shankar Vedantam: We are constantly trying to read other people's minds. When we interact with friends, relatives, and coworkers, we ask ourselves, "What is going on in this other person's head? What does she want? What are his intentions?" Our ability to read other minds involves an extraordinary feat of cognition. Yet, it mostly unfolds in our heads, without us being aware of it. Minus this skill, the simplest of interactions would be mired in confusion, and misunderstanding. Liane Young is a psychologist and neuroscientist at Boston College. She has spent years studying this mental ability, and the profound effects it has on our lives. Liane Young, welcome to Hidden Brain.Liane Young: Thanks so much. It's good to be here, Shankar.Shankar Vedantam: I want to start with a very simple example that shows how important it is for us to read what's happening in the minds of other people. In the 1993 movie Mrs. Doubtfire, starring Robin Williams, the characters Daniel and Miranda have split up, and Daniel comes up with this unconventional way to win Miranda back. He returns to the house in disguise as Mrs. Doubtfire, an elderly widow who seeks a role of nanny and housekeeper. Now, he quickly wins the trust of the family. Very soon, Miranda is asking Mrs. Doubtfire for life advice, including whether to go on a date with a man she's just met.Miranda: Mrs. Doubtfire. May I ask you a question?Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh, certainly.Miranda: How long after Mr. Doubtfire passed away-Mrs. Doubtfire: Winston.Miranda: Winston, did you feel any desire?Mrs. Doubtfire: Never.Miranda: Never.Mrs. Doubtfire: Never again.Miranda: Never again?Mrs. Doubtfire: Once the father of your children is out of the picture, the only solution

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